I Could Have…

I could have changed my appearance.
I would’ve made myself prettier had you asked.
I should have been more open to your lifestyle.
Maybe I would’ve kept what she gave up.
I could have been what you wanted.
I would have spoken differently, more girly and cutesy.
I should have fought more for your attention.
I could’ve held you tighter.
Maybe then you might have stayed with me.
What was wrong with me?
Did I not wear enough makeup?
Was I not just like you?
Didn’t we both love the same shows?
Did we not like the same music?
Why wasn’t I enough for you?
Perhaps I could have put more of an effort into my hair, curled it instead of leaving it straight, straight, straight.
Maybe you would’ve seen how hard I was trying.
I could’ve been more assertive.
I would have put my foot down.
I should’ve gone all Meredith Grey on you, “Pick me, choose me, love me.”
I could have worn contacts.
I would’ve gone to the gym more often.
I should have dyed my hair strawberry blonde.
Maybe then you might’ve noticed me more than her.
I could have worn her exact perfume.
At least then you might’ve held me longer, smelling her but holding me.
All these things I could have done… would not have made a difference.
Why should I?
Why should I be the only one to change?
You made no effort.
You weren’t happy with me.
You found someone else.
So did I.
And I didn’t have to change anything about myself either.